For many years during the month of November, we encouraged our young children to identify something every single day that they were thankful for.  We wrote these sweet sentiments down and hung each one on our “Thankful Tree” in preparation for Thanksgiving.   Once Thanksgiving Day arrives, my family enjoys the tradition of going around the table and sharing something from the past year that each of us are thankful for.

I always thought the point of Thanksgiving was to show thankfulness and gratitude.  And it is…but I also think it is something more.

I was reading a simple book with my 2nd grade daughter titled The First Thanksgiving.  As we were reading, something profound occurred to me that I had never really considered before.  I had never stopped to realize that the real miracle of Thanksgiving wasn’t that the Pilgrims fled religious persecution and made it over on the Mayflower.

The real miracle of Thanksgiving wasn’t that many of them survived a grueling and vicious winter.

The real miracle of Thanksgiving wasn’t that they had a plentiful harvest, thanks to the help of Samoset and Squanto.

The real miracle wasn’t that not a single Pilgrim returned to England on the Mayflower when it departed.

The real miracle of Thanksgiving was that two people groups, who should have been enemies and were different in every conceivable way, came together in the unity of their shared humanity.

I don’t know why this fact had never occurred to me before.  I’ve read some variation of the story of the first Thanksgiving probably a thousand times in my lifetime.  And I always thought the point was that they were grateful for surviving up to that point.  They were grateful for the help that the Native Americans provided.

But what the original Thanksgiving Feast has shown me in light of our very polarized world is that it is possible for people from two different worlds to come together and be thankful with and for each other.  

Despite their fear of each other.  Despite their differences in every conceivable way.  Despite different cultures and customs.  Despite worshipping differently.

It is no surprise, then, that Abraham Lincoln was the President who initiated the National holiday of Thanksgiving on October 3, 1863 during the height of the Civil War.  He signed a proclamation that the last Thursday of November would be set apart as, “a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.”  Up until this point, individual states celebrated Thanksgiving at their own times ever since George Washington’s suggestion of such a holiday 74 years prior.  Lincoln’s decision was prompted by many letters from a woman named Sarah Hale, urging the President to institute a “day of our annual Thanksgiving made a National and fixed Union festival.”

I have to believe that President Lincoln recognized something that I had long since glossed over in regards to the celebration of Thanksgiving.

Within his proclamation, Lincoln writes:

“In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity…”

Lincoln then shares the blessings that they have received in the midst of that year like peace with other nations, enlarged borders, yields from harvests and mining, and increasing population.  

“No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things.  They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.  It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and with one voice by the whole American people.

“And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.”

As we draw closer to this Thanksgiving holiday, we are obviously not fighting a war with guns and swords.  But there is a different “civil war” of unequalled magnitude and severity that is being fought with ugly words of hatred for those who think differently than we do.  Our fractured relationships and hardened hearts are the battlefield carnage.

So I urge you…in this time of turmoil, where relationships have been upended and churches fractured by varying thoughts on masks, vaccine mandates, racial tensions, and political ideaology, may we remember the first Thanksgiving.  May we remember the day this proclamation was made and the beginning of a National Holiday.  May we remember that we are all human beings, fellow image bearers of Christ, and may we show thankfulness with one heart and with one voice.

After all, the real miracle of Thanksgiving is unity.  

I still remember the sting I felt six years ago. I was mindlessly scrolling Facebook one Saturday afternoon when I came to a picture of familiar faces. Several of my friends from church had carpooled two hours away to see another friend who had recently moved…and this group (that included some of my closest friends at the time) hadn’t invited me. It felt purposeful that I wasn’t included. To say I was crushed at the time seems to be a bit overdramatic, but that is exactly what I felt.

Fast forward a few years when I got together with a couple friends for dinner and one of those friends posted a sweet picture of us the next day. Little did I know that another friend would feel exactly the same way that I felt those years ago. Excluded. Isolated. Uninvited.

I have been on both sides of the “posting pictures of friends on social media” issue. I love my friends. I love getting together with my friends. I love posting these pictures because my friends are a part of who I am as a person- they have spoken life and love into me in a season filled with babies, then toddlers, preschoolers, and now school-aged kiddos. Why wouldn’t I want to show the world how great my friends are?!?!

But I don’t. Not anymore. I have learned that posting pictures of my friends and me online isn’t worth the heartache and hurt it could potentially cause someone else. Someone, like me all those years ago, who wasn’t invited.

I don’t think this is a maturity issue or an issue needing “thicker skin”. This is a human issue. Being excluded, whether you are SEVEN or SEVENTY, hurts. And is it worth it to hurt a friend in order to show our online world how great our lives are? I don’t think so. I would venture to guess that every single woman (or man) has felt the sting of being excluded. We wouldn’t walk up to someone and tell them all about the event we went to, knowing they weren’t invited, so why would we post pictures that essentially do the same thing?

As women (and individuals), we will be healthier and less prone to feeling hurt/wounded when we are confident in ourselves. Ultimately for me, this means finding my identity in the Lord and not my husband, children, friends, job, or contribution to society. When I focus on my relationship with Him, I am less prone to feeling hurt or jealous and more eager to give grace and be happy for others. But life is a journey and we are not all at a confident place in our lives. Showing sensitivity for those who are more vulnerable is truly an act of kindness.

I am the type of person that is most comfortable one-on-one or in a small group of 3 or 4 (at the max). I feel lost in a bigger group and can’t connect beyond surface-level topics. In order to have meaningful friendships, this normally means that I seek out time for individual conversations. If I am going to break away from being with my family, it will normally be to get together with a friend one-on-one. And this inevitably means that not everyone is invited. This is a recipe for a deep and meaningful friendship, in my opinion, and something that doesn’t need to be broadcasted to the world…especially when this one-on-one time might be hurtful to someone else.

Don’t get me wrong…I still post pictures of my family and will post pictures of/with friends (and my friends’ kids) if we are at an inclusive event (church, school, or community functions where everyone is invited). But if I have dinner with a friend or we take a trip with another family, I won’t post it. It isn’t worth hurting other friends in the process.

PS- I think this is an ESPECIALLY important lesson we need to learn in the church. The online world is tricky territory when it comes to our faith as nothing is black and white…but I think that as Christians we must be ultra vigilant to ensure that the image we are working so hard to create online isn’t hurting others in the process.  1 Corinthians 9 talks about not being a stumbling block to someone else and I think the social media world is definitely one tactic the Enemy uses!

PPS- I use Facebook as my online photo album. ALL my special pictures from the years are on there. If I want to include a photo in an album so that I will have it down the road but don’t want to hurt someone in the process, I just set the privacy settings on either the picture or the album to “just me” or to the select individuals  I want to include. No one else will be able to see the photos this way.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Please share in the comments!

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We are only a week into summer and I texted my husband at 8am this morning saying that I am ready to officially resign from my position as cruise ship director. I am so done trying to keep my kids entertained all. day. long. I want them to be bored. I want them to have free time to play and imagine. But after having every minute of their day totally structured for the last nine months of their life, the transition to freedom isn’t always an easy one.

And the fighting. Goodness gracious…the fighting.

I’m definitely not going to win the “coolest mom” award on this post. It might even seem to contradict some things that I’ve previously written on my blog.

However, I fear we’re headed down a slippery slope when it comes to parenting and we at least need to start talking about it. For some reason, as moms, we have this strange belief that it is our job to entertain our kids all. the. time.

In case you aren’t convinced … feel free to browse Pinterest for a few minutes or visit one of the amazing blogs with activities for children. I too am guilty of spinning my wheels day after day, trying my hardest to provide fun experiences for my children … all in the name of being a “good mom.”

Yes, we want our kids to have a happy childhood with a variety of experiences. But this certainly doesn’t mean that the mark of a good mother is spending all her time creating and engaging her kids in those activities.

If the end goal of parenting for you is the same as it is for me (raising our children to know, love, and emulate Jesus), then “entertaining” certainly isn’t what the majority of our focus should be on. It should be focused on others, just as Jesus was. After all, the two greatest commandments are loving God and loving others.

So, what is a mother to do?

Meet their needs of feeding, changing, and bathing? Yes.

Teach our children? Yes.

Engage with our children in play? Yes.

Enjoy our children? Yes.

Play with our children? Yes, although not every minute of the day.

Encourage our children to think of others before themselves? YES!

Laugh with, tickle, and kiss our sweet babies? OF COURSE!

Entertain our children every minute of the day? No.

The fact is:  When we make it our mission in life to make sure that our children are entertained and having fun, we are teaching them that that is what life is all about–them!  It also can prohibit children from using their imaginations and their own creativity to come up with something fun to do on their own (which is a problem with my firstborn–I continually entertained him from birth to 2 years of age, when his little brother was born, and now he has a hard time self-regulating his own play).

Rather than going out of our way to find ways to entertain our kids, let’s go out of our way thinking of opportunities that we can serve and love others together.

What do you think?

Originally posted August 2014 on MomLife Today

I gave up Facebook for Lent. The denomination we attend doesn’t formally participate in Lent but I thought it was a good opportunity to exercise some self control…one of the Fruits of the Spirit that I tend to struggle with most!

Facebook is by far my favorite social media. I love connecting with friends, family, and neighbors, getting to see cute pictures of my friends’ kids and read heartfelt posts about motherhood all while simultaneously keeping up with things going on at church and my boys’ school. It is the ultimate one stop shop when it comes to relationships, news, events, and more. Unfortunately, however, I found that I was spending far too much time perusing Facebook without any real purpose. I never added up the time I was spending (even though I have an app on my phone that tells me) because honestly I don’t really even want to know. Just like the calorie count on the menu at The Cheesecake Factory…ignorance is bliss! Or is it?

I started the New Year with small changes, thinking that would help me cut down on my mindless Facebook perusing. And it did for a while. I deleted the Facebook app from my iPhone so I didn’t have it accessible every moment on the day. I blocked Facebook for certain time periods while I was working online. But I knew that to see real improvement in my time wasted, I would have to quit cold turkey. When Ash Wednesday rolled around this year, I figured it presented the perfect opportunity to practice a bit of self control. Although I kept my blog profile/page page, I completely deactivated my personal Facebook and didn’t cheat a single time in almost 6 weeks.

Here are a few things I learned through my 6-week Facebook Fast:

1. I spend way less money when I am not on Facebook.  Facebook marketing has gotten good and I found myself frequently clicking on ads for clothing and random Amazon products far too often. I didn’t buy a single piece of clothing for myself during the 6 weeks I was off Facebook because I was not constantly tempted to look.

2. I like the people in my life more when I don’t know their opinion on every little thing.  When you have real-life relationships, most of the time you don’t where someone stands on every issue from the get-go. You get to know their personality and appreciate that person for who he/she is and the friendship you share. Slowly, as the friendship progresses, you open yourself up to discussion more “hot button” issues. When you are “friends” on Facebook, however, sometimes you see their strong opinions on hot button issues first without knowing their heart. That is a backwards way to do relationships, in my opinion. Although I don’t agree with my real-life friends on every issue (and in fact disagree quite a bit with some), I appreciate and respect who they are and see that our differences actually make us even better friends!

3. I have more time to read. I read nine books during the nearly 6 weeks I was off Facebook! That is more than a book every week! Considering the fact that I have constantly complained about “not having enough time to read” before my little experiment, I think this settles the question of what the biggest time suck in my life is! I have never read as much in my adult life as I have over the last several weeks and it has reignited my passion for reading!

4. I am more content with myself and my life. I never really thought I had a problem with jealousy or envy but every now and again, I would feel that tiny green monster rear its ugly head whenever seeing certain things on Facebook. Whether it was comparing my size/hair color/wrinkles/clothes to someone else and suddenly feeling less-than or seeing pictures from someone’s 5-star vacation, I started to become convicted that this comparison game was not good for me. Thankfully, my 6-weeks off Facebook gave me a much-needed reprieve from comparing every one else’s best versions of themselves to my very imperfect self.

5. I am more patient with my kids.  Because I had more extra time on my hands, I did not feel like I was always scrambling around trying to get things done. Life was more peaceful and I was able to be more present with my kids — which was the ultimate goal for this little experiment!

Here is the ONE negative thing that happened in my 6-weeks off Facebook:

I missed a super awesome discount on a season pass for a zoo 30-minutes away from my house (that I will rarely go to anyway…especially since I already have a family membership to a different zoo). And I missed seeing some cute pictures of my friends’ kids!

Yep, that is it. The only negative experience of NOT being on Facebook for 6 weeks.

What now?

Now that Lent is over, you might be wondering whether I chose to stay off of Facebook permanently or not. The answer isn’t an easy one…I am currently back on mainly for the purpose of pictures. Ever since my oldest child was born, I have uploaded all of our family favorites into Facebook photo albums. It is the easiest and quickest way for me to quickly find pictures from specific dates in a pinch. The thought of having to move all of my pictures to a different storage site is really overwhelming to me.

I do, however, seem to have a much better balance now that I have broken the addiction to mindlessly scrolling my Facebook feed. I do not have the Facebook app on my phone and I try to only check my personal profile at certain times of the day. I will not hesitate to take another break, however, if I feel like it is becoming an addiction again.

How about you? Have you ever given up Facebook (for good or for a period of time)???

Back in February I shared that I was going to be offering a free monthly printable for creating mini Blessing Bags. If you are unfamiliar with the concept of a blessing bag, this is just a simple way to be a blessing to those you come across who might be in need (we mostly give them out to people standing on the side of the road with signs). These March Mini Blessing Bags are made in sandwich-sized plastic bags, which is much more convenient than a gallon-sized bag for the individuals receiving them.

I thought with St. Patrick’s Day in the middle of March, my favorite Irish blessing would be the perfect bit of encouragement for someone struggling through a difficult time. I have been overwhelmed by the positive response these little bags have gotten from those who have received them. One man looked at the bag and shouted, “YESSS!!!! I needed a new pair of socks!” Another man received two a few weeks apart from each other. He said, “Hey, I remember you from last time. Thank you so much…you don’t know how much this means for someone to acknowledge us let alone try to help us.” My kids love rolling down the van window and handing them out whenever they are with me. I am continually reminded to try to stop and see people as individuals created in the image of God and do our best to offer a bit of encouragement, even if it only lasts a few seconds.

Go here to print our Irish Blessing printable!

Here are some ideas for mini blessing bags (limit to 3 or 4 depending on space):

-Socks (for the winter months)

-Crackers

-Trail Mix

-Nuts

-Chapstick

-$5 bill

-Gift Card to a Fast Food Restaurant

-Toothbrush/Toothpaste

-Hand sanitizer

-Travel size ibuprofen

-Soap (double-bag if putting in with food or else the food will taste like soap)

I store our blessing bags in my car, between the driver seat and passenger seat for easy access. We end up passing out at least one per week, normally around busy shopping centers.

Check out our blessing bag printables for other months!

We have lived in our house just over six years and shortly after we moved in, we put up a vinyl wall decal of one of my favorite verses at the time:  Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

This verse hangs on a wall at the bottom of our stairwell, it is one of the very first things you see in our home when we open our front door.

This verse is one I have shared over and over with my children- either word for word or in a general message of “God loves you. He wants you to succeed and prosper. You are special. He has a plan for your life.”

As I thought about all of the things going on in our world today, I looked at that verse on the wall and decided I had to rip it off. Right that instant. It doesn’t seem fitting with all of the evil and injustice in this fallen world of ours.

Injustices like…

Brothers and sisters in Christ being executed on a daily basis in the Middle East because they choose to declare allegiance to Jesus.

People being shamed, bullied, stereotyped, and even killed because of the color of their skin.

Violence against those who have dedicated their lives to protect ours.

Thousands upon thousands of precious babies losing their lives every single day, before they are even given an opportunity to breathe, simply because they are seen as an “inconvenience”.

Lies, deceit, and words of hatred spewing from the mouths of the people who are supposed to lead us.

People around the world displaced from their homes and fearing they will lose their lives in the midst of violence.

Family losing loved ones, struggling with answers to their questions.

Shootings, death, violence every. freaking. day.

It is just too much and there is no end in sight. We live in a broken, broken world.

Although I told my husband and my kids that I removed the scripture from the wall because I want to repaint (which is true), my grief and reflections on this world is what prompted its expedited removal.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe God is still sovereign. I believe He still reigns. I believe God loves us. I believe the victory is His in the end. I believe He wants good for us, even if that good is only manifested in eternity.

But in the meantime, scriptures like this tend to paint a false hope…and a “prosperity gospel” that Jesus himself would surely contradict and condemn. I still believe in the divine inspiration of this scripture. I still believe it is included in the Bible for a reason and is applicable to us in an eternal sense. But I have also come to realize that this scripture is not a promise for me. It is not a promise for you.  It’s time to stop claiming it as a life verse. I am not a Biblical scholar, but from my little bit of research (and reading the verse in context of the chapter) it was a promise spoken from God himself to Jeremiah to share with Israelites carried into exile in Babylon. Ultimately, God frees his people 70 years later just like He said he would.

Although the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 wasn’t necessarily intended for us, Jesus himself makes some promises to His disciples in the New Testament. And as present-day disciples who have received the Holy Spirit, these promises apply to us as well.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world.”  -John 16:33

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”  -John 15:18

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”  -Matthew 10:28

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”  -Matthew 16: 24-25

These verses aren’t printed on graduation cards, we don’t often tell them to our children as encouragement for the road of life ahead. They aren’t happy and optimistic. Actually, they often make us wonder what on earth we signed up for when we chose to be followers of Jesus (or maybe that is just me). The time is coming (and has already come for many in this world) where being a follower of Jesus will cause us to lose our lives in one way or another. And if it doesn’t/hasn’t, maybe that is a reflection of its authenticity.

As much as I love the sentiment of Jeremiah 29:11, I do not want it to define my faith any longer. Our faith is not one of prosperity and promises of an earthly future. We are a broken people who need to know that hardships are part of our journey, whether we like it or not. And we are only guaranteed this very moment that we are breathing (James 4:14).

My 6-year old son was distraught as I removed this verse from the wall. He said, “Mommy, isn’t God’s Word more important than new paint?” I agreed wholeheartedly and promised I would be replacing it with a new verse very soon. The new verse will not be one that is a promise to someone else, however. The new verse will be one of resolve and action… words spoken by the mighty warrior Joshua near the end of his life to the people of Israel as a final call to action, of life and death nature:

“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
-Joshua 24:15

Let us not be naive about the trouble we face on this earth. The gods of wealth, violence, hatred, and division surround us. Let us arise as warriors willing to fight for the souls of each person on this Earth, armed with the weapons of Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and love.

Parenting is the definition of on-the-job training. Babies don’t come with manuals…and even though the countless parenting books on my nightstand and bookshelf try to prove otherwise, not one single source has all the answers. This fact may also come as a surprise to well-meaning strangers, gawkers, and self-proclaimed experts, but I digress…

I started this blog nearly six years ago in an effort to hold myself accountable to the time I had at home with my kids. I would have never guessed how it would have grown in the course of these six years. Although I hope it serves as encouragement to parents to spend meaningful time with their children, I never, ever want my readers to feel like I have all the answers when it comes to parenting.

Here’s the real truth:  I am probably the most imperfect parent you know.

I can be selfish and terribly impatient.

I can be lazy…and sometimes (probably far more than I would like to admit) I just want my kids to do their own thing and leave me alone.

I sometimes yell at my kids and get frustrated easily (actually while in the process of writing this post).

I don’t always follow my own advice…there are some days every now and then where we don’t read a single book throughout the course of the day! And we certainly don’t do “learning activities” every day!

I am not sharing these things like they are a badge of honor. My shortcomings are certainly not something to be proud of. I am well aware of my failures and pray daily for God to help me overcome my selfishness to become the mother that He desires for my children to have…someone who gives love and grace and who always strives to put herself last. But I also felt like I needed to write this post, especially since many of this narrative is not written into the activity posts I share.

I don’t know if it is wisdom or just sheer exhaustion, but I have become a little bit of a slacker mom as the years have progressed. And honestly, I am just plain tired of over-the-top crafts and activities… I’m just plain done making my kid’s childhood magical.

When I first started this blog when my boys were 2 1/2 and 6 months old, I thought it was absolutely imperative that young children be educationally stimulated every single day. As a first grade teacher, I saw the large discrepancy between children who had been read to and played with on a daily basis and those who didn’t have as nurturing of home environments.

As a new mom, I was much more structured and disciplined to do activities with my oldest than I was with my second born (and now third born). I have often felt guilty for not doing nearly as many activities with Little Brother. But guess what…he is the most creative of all of my children and is doing well in school!

If I’m totally honest…many of the activities that I share on this blog I would not have done if it wasn’t for the fact that I blogged about it. This blog has become my “job” and so a bit of the authenticity has been lost along the way.

So today, I’m giving myself the advice that most of you much wiser than I am have probably already figured it out:  It’s okay to be a slacker parent. In some ways, anyway.

I will consider it one of the greatest joys of my life if we end up raising kids who have “average” abilities but who loves Jesus and love others with their whole hearts. I am not worried about my kids being the top of their class, stellar athletes, speaking three languages, or becoming a concert pianist. I want them to be kind to others, know they are loved by God and by us, and work hard at whatever they set out to do.

I am telling myself to focus on what matters most:  giving your child love, grace (I’m majorly working on this one), and your time and attention. Read to your child because you both enjoy the snuggles. Play a board game that is fun for the both of you. Put down the structured activities and have a tea party. Go on a walk because it is an opportunity to talk about colors in nature. Practice ABC’s because your child has shown an interest. Most of all,
show them Jesus and how to love others in as many ways as possible.

And let the rest of it go. The Pinterest-perfect birthday parties, the hurried schedule, the perfectly coiffed thematic activities, the cute gourmet lunches with toothpicks. Let. it. go.

PS:  Guess what? Even a slacker mom can get their kiddos ready for kindergarten!

Check out my new eBook:

I have noticed a trend in the last ten years when it comes to female protagonists in books, movies, and TV shows. These women (and girls) are portrayed as strong, outspoken, and fiercely independent. Depending on others is portrayed as weakness.

Much of the push of strong, independent women is due to the groundwork laid by generations past:  the courageous women (and men) in the suffrage movement that fought for a woman’s right to vote and those that have demanded legislation for women to be treated as equals when it comes to compensation and benefits from employers.

I am so very thankful to these brave individuals who have enabled women around the world to have a voice. We, as women, are forever indebted to their efforts.

But I fear that we are taking it a bit too far. In fact, I fear that we are encouraging young women to be someone who will forever be hindered because of the notion that she is weak if she can’t do something on her own.

As a mom to a nearly 2-year old daughter, I don’t want my daughter to be independent.

Just to be clear, toddlerhood warrants that we are currently all about independence in our house. “No, I Do it,” is a phrase common in our house these days. This is natural and this is good. But as she grows older, I don’t want her to grow up thinking that she can (and should) do everything on our own. Yes, I want her to be strong and be able to think for herself. I want her to form her own conclusions and have the strength to stand up for what is right.

But I also want her to learn the art of depending on other people.

I believe that God created us to need community. He wants us to depend on each other. He wants us to share in life together. He never intended us to walk through this life alone.

“Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” -Ecclesiastes 4:9a-10

There are many times in my life where I have needed other people to surround me. Times when I might not have made it through in one piece without a community of people who love me. When I was on bed rest when pregnant with my daughter, neither my baby nor I could physically survive without depending on other people.

It is so hard to be dependent on others, but it is a humbling place where God allows us to witness His ability to use others to meet our needs. And if we surround ourselves with a group of people who share a common goal, most of the time we won’t even need to ask for help because they will anticipate our needs and go above and beyond to meet them (as we should in turn do for them).

After all, I think this is the very reason God created family and, ultimately, the church. We need each other to encourage and uplift us to attain our God-given purposes.

I also believe that God made men and women differently. By denying the inborn characteristics that we are born with as women to fit the mold of what society is telling us we should be is not right, in my opinion.

I want my daughter to be strong and capable…but I also want her to see beauty in her frailties and weaknesses.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Corinthians 2:9 

I want my daughter to think for herself…but I want her to think of others above herself (admittedly, something I myself am still working on).

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” -Phillipians 2:3

I want my daughter to be bold about standing up for what is right and good…but I want her to treat others with kindness, gentleness, and love.

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.” -1 Corinthians 16:13-14

I don’t want my daughter to be independent. I want her to be entirely dependent on God to fulfill her needs and I want her to find beauty in the community around her.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

I couldn’t agree more.

In fact, I am sorta obsessed with taking pictures of my kids. I want to capture their indescribable beauty and every detail of their precious lives. I have tried to teach myself as much as I can about using my camera to capture their innocence in a way that does their sweet little lives justice. I want to remember as many moments as I possibly can, and I believe pictures (and videos) can conjure up memories better than just about anything. In fact, one of my favorite things to do is to look through our photo books from years passed, page after page filled with the light of our oldest son’s eyes, the enthusiasm of our middle child, and the purity of our baby girl all on the backdrop of amazing family adventures and yearly traditions.

And when it comes to earthly possessions, nothing is more precious to me than pictures of my babies.

But I think it is time that I resign from my position as the family photographer…at least for a little while.

In the past month or two, I have been increasingly convinced that perhaps we need to step back on the picture taking just a smidgen. Our annual trip to the pumpkin patch was amazing and wonderful, but my husband and I had a few tense moments discussing aperture and what the appropriate depth of field should be in our photos. And I watched as my 5-year old rolled his eyes as I tried to snap just one more picture of him with his birthday cake before he blew out his candles.

This is one of the worst times of the year to have this revelation. CHRISTMAS IS NEXT WEEK. WHAT BETTER TIME TO TAKE PICTURES OF A FAMILY THAN NOW?!?!

But that is exactly what I am going to do. Step back. Use the iPhone camera more. Stop requiring posed smiles.

When my children are grown and look back on our family albums from years gone by, I don’t want them to think, “Oh look, there is the fake smile I gave after my mom had yelled at me twenty times to look at the camera, for crying out loud!!!”  I don’t want memories clouded with stress and high-expectations. I want the photograph to be a snippet of the joyful memory created, not the other way around. And I want to be in the midst of it, having fun with them and enjoying life instead of insisting on resuming my position behind the lens of a camera.

After all, I would much rather be present in our family memory-making rather than just trying to capture it.

I walk through the house, turning off the lights, as the dishwasher hums in the background. I gather all the misplaced belongings and climb the stairs, careful not to step on the one the creaks. The house is quiet and I want to keep it that way.

After showering and brushing my teeth, I sneak into the boys’ bedroom for one last kiss and see their massive bodies sprawled out over their twin beds, arms and legs dangling in all directions. I laugh to myself, seeing their underwear decked out in Ninja Turtles and Star Wars, and at the same time I want to burst in tears wondering how on earth they got this big.

I quietly skip past Little Sister’s room, avoiding yet another creak in the floor, not brave enough to risk waking up my little toddler tornado for one final kiss. She will get plenty of kisses in the morning, after all.

Finally, finally I settle into bed and for a moment I sit there taking in the happenings from the day. In the quiet hour of the night, everything looks differently than it did during the day. It is though the pressures and inconveniences vanish and all that is left are the precious memories.

The 12th toddler tantrum of the day doesn’t seem nearly as exhausting.

Calling Poison Control for the second time this month doesn’t seem nearly as embarassing.

Reading and playing with my kids doesn’t seem nearly as time-consuming.

Cleaning up the basket of blocks for the fifth time that day doesn’t seem nearly as frustrating.

Reminding my boys to clean up their rooms doesn’t seem nearly as irritating.

In the quiet hour of the night, the haze that plagued me for the entire day is lifted and I can see clearly.

I see the precious innocence in my daughter’s eyes and her curiosity for the world around her.

I see the yearning for affection from my little brown-haired kindergartner, who just wants to snuggle up for some one-on-one time with Mommy.

I see zeal for life from a certain snaggletoothed second grader, who is so eager for the next big adventure that he gets distracted with the daily monotony.

The quiet hour offers a new perspective…a reflective take on the fleeting moments of the day. When the house is quiet and my children are fast asleep in their beds, I can take the time to appreciate the beauty of their individual spirits, something I sometimes fail to do in the chaos of the daytime.

As I pull up the covers and turn off the light, I am equipped with a new sense of purpose — to appreciate the little things and enjoy the precious moments I have tomorrow. It might not be a perfect day, but tomorrow night as I climb the stairs to the hum of the dishwasher, it will certainly seem that way.